I Swing the Vorpal Spork of Irony like some Hyperborean Usurper through the Hordes of the Unwashed.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Halfling Insult Bard

....needs your help. I went ahead and did it folks. I'm actually playing a character that isn't a Dwarf, and I'm loving it.
It was a running joke at the "Store" that I only play Dwarf fighters with green skin. Which was true (I'll tackle the green thing later). So for the D&D Encounters I decided to do something different. A Halfling Bard with a Tuba was my first choice. Upon reflection I thought a Halfling Comic Bard might be cool, of course my favorite comic is Don Rickles. So the Halfling Insult Bard was born, his name: Rickles, of course.
Here is where the Help is required. I need material. I've found that Yo' momma jokes are lost on most monsters who don't know who there mothers are. Also, I stopped making up dirty limericks almost 30yrs ago, so I'm a little rusty. Any submissions with a D&D flavor would be greatly appreciated.


  1. lol love it!

    mealy-mouthed crotch pheasant was always a favorite (Stewie from Family Guy)

    My suggestion is to just read the Tintin books and grab a bunch of Haddock’s barbs.

  2. Sorry, I don't have anything to offer you right now, I just wanted to say that I thought that was a great character.


  3. I know this is an old post, but I thought I should let you know I may have nicked your halfling bard with a tuba idea (actually I made her up myself and then remembered later that you posted this ages ago). Maybe someday you'll get to meet Allegro Hornblower, spunky spazz bard to the stars!


Let me know what you think. Please watch the language.